If I Had the Gun

If I Had the Gun

By: Husam (Sam) Salman

I now hear the volume of anger

Frustrations spilling into the streets

I know you suddenly don’t feel safe.

Neither do I.

I know it’s not fair to feel threatened,

Especially in your own home.

I know you know the same fear.

I know better and should be the bigger man.

Maybe I can warn you somehow.

But that might not work

Should I keep it secret a little longer?

(He’s running away)

I can hide it from you and chase you some more.

Maybe you have guts to fire back.

-          -  

Someone told me to stop.

Someone had the guts to tell me the real.

Someone should have stopped me

I feel bad for not warning you.

Every day I think about the choices I am given.

Someone should have taught me better

Every time, I have a choice.

Every time, I wish I knew more; knew it all.

Every time, I wish I made the best choice.

Every day, I wish I never knew you, never saw you.

Never heard your name; and you

Never walked into my neighborhood.

-          -

If I had the wisdom, I would have told you to run.

If I had the wisdom, I would have known better than to follow you.

If I had the wisdom, you would still be alive.

If I had the wisdom, I would have listened to my heart.

Just know that I’m sorry

Just know that I love you.

I know that you might not love me back.

Just know that I do care.

Just know that I will never be the same.

My heart, broken.

My soul, damned.

My dreams, fleeting.

My life…empty.

But, I wasn’t able to muster the words,

The nerve to tell you to run,

The knowhow to leave this to the proper authorities

I’m the reason you’re no longer alive,

The mistake is mine, the guilt I bare,

I will live with that in my heart all my life.

I wish I was man enough to say I was wrong

I wish I was man enough to take the blame

I wish I was man enough to own what’s mine

I wish I was a man

I’m sorry to me first,

Then to the boy I killed - TM.