كلمات

كلمات 

("Words")

By: Husam (Sam) Salman

Strange that I keep you locked away, without flaw or incident, while I sauntered through the shadowed columns of downtown Los Angeles.

 Chill lingered winter morning, I’ve dreamt all night, and you were there, kissed my head from behind, telling me not to hug you too tight as you just ate a burger, even in my dreams you were rude, I played Kimbra’s Cameo Lover on YouTube

The beat the truth in spoken words fighting the memory of yesterday’s sweet reminders of you lingered as shadowy nostalgic jabs, trying to be dulled,

And read The New Codependency trying not to cry, realizing how love hurts

This ‘love’ is the medicine of all musicians’ cures, muses and writers inspirations, great wars have been fought for such a cause and great liturgy has been worshiped for the same right

And this reminder of aching heart like fighting words, at daybreak

Dreaming back thru yore, Your time and mine watching everything flow so quickly skidding our way to a shallow grave,

The bell’s last toll of us together, the unicorn fell over and died, with only a puzzle to piece back together after, turning around the mind’s eye staring at a dream that is only possible here in America for me

Glimpse reflection, and the notion that was Me or America, or you and a fantasy island, or a broken mattress that needed replacing

Valentines night was spent alone, another promise broken.

Like these words in the night, eclipsed back to the nirvana of cyberspace

Speechless, and no tears for but the conceit of the ideal situation, locked in its gossamer ether, silent shout, the balanced reciprocity, trading articles of eidolon, in reverence of each other’s heart,

Pray, the creator twisted in this spell, desiring or reality? while we still have the chance, the Idea…anything more?

If it were a snake… Strolling the sidewalks, dare I turn, 5^th St, the glass bodies of the corporate castles align themselves side by side, under the eternal LA blue, scraping the sky insisting each is better than the other.

Perhaps the Boulevards to the south, as I walk to the garment district, where we once searched for wanted wares, like time was turned back and you but a young lad from the seven seas and the North, eating the forbidden apple of Iraq, unsure where this ship was sailing to

Then fought our way through the crowds of the Westside, towards?

Toward vintage shops, old reminders of yesteryear and the modern discarded, Italian or Spanish made shoes, found on the chrome shelves of linoleum paved settings

Toward knowing, befriending the idea of togetherness with childish retaliations, ‘conversations’, toleration sessions and learning to bend like a reed in the wind, for the dream; is this life?

Toward the key to unlocking a damaged heart; and the great key lays in dowsing bottles of the subduing pill, in light of Santa Monica, in burden to live ‘correctly’ without pain, and lays down on the floor of wood planed living room, back pains gone, as I reach for solace in the sanctuary of your arms, am pushed away at the greatest ‘needed’ hour, back to the poverty lined streets of my stomp where I view all from above.

You know better, and I knew that, but concern was never for another; were the poise of absolution lay upon your brow.  Strange to have moved thru Peter Pan and never land, and the tree hugging wilderness of San Francisco streets and America and here again, with the backbone of Mexico at my doorstep, open and a Benetton ad lining the streets daily, fire escapes old as you

Tho you’re not old now, that is left here with me, the spring heart of youth

But the line of demarcation could never be breached, heart and head in hand locked away

Saturated with your distance; myself, anyhow, am old as the universe.

The start needs an ending, or so I am told, what has begun is over, every time.

That’s great! For I want nothing, deplore nothing, no trepidation, feelings as currency defalcation of love, crucify, even headache in the end.

Though it’s hold vast like an octopus that clutches close, but prying the shell only to eat the venerable soul inside – incubus, the child, the anima, in us both, heart placing its’ head on the sacrificial alter to show solidarity, but this too in vein, for the insatiable appetite hunger to the core not sure what could satisfy this burning wanton, exposed, unbending.

What a state we have placed ourselves in, trying to fit the square peg in the triangle hole, and now you are wedged in there, getting you out is another fete in itself.

It’s hard when the decision is not yours, but the results seem yours and yours alone to bare. Dismissal was your way out, ‘thinking’ about it, that sound from the lips of friends and their reason overrode the heart muscle, logic and the actual dream.

Though the chord was played often ringing in the head steady rhythm

All erroneous but the heart strings kept plucking themselves and the mind wandered in the simple elation of the moment, disdained with this gross reminder and love snared; again. 

Perspective for the other never fully taken into account, too busy rushing to the point of happily ever after, the journey overlooked for the sake of the penultimate, another heart drawn carriage exercising all that was accessible for the ride.

I was questioned for the quality of my past relationships all the while you cried over the trinkets of adornment stolen of you from your past lover; and were ditched by yet another, ran away from no less…my questions for yours too lingered bright, still remain a question true, and you thought you were prepared?

For love openly? Questioning my love after professions of “I loved you”? a luminary? A good lover? Friends?

Beyond reason! Like a body laid waiting for beetles to pick it clean while heart still beating, or staring at water running through your fingers not being able to do anything but watch.

Silly?

Is it only knowledge of experience that radiates self-actualization, or only the eureka of presence, where ignorance once stood?

Without value beyond what was had, what you had, that’s so pitiful; victorious me,

To have lived this, and changed, like life, ever awakening, or the rosehips sewn into the ground, created a new, blossom, vivid, thinking eternal almighty, stirred, pierced the skin, petals pulled off one-by-one, sanctuary in my house built on sand, enshrouded, weak, shaken to the core, substance.

No animal like that animal, aware of itself but only just, and fought the slaughter and lost

Mowed by a simpleton Gardeners trade, even now, odd spectral image to most, lost, wielded sharp cycle, crowned with entitlement, his own head stood in place of his eyes, slave to the rhythm, heart tucked away in locked cages with eyes of others in place of bars.

Built up over time, that which does not kill us, makes us grow a thick and ugly skin, boundaries, issues, awareness of others lost, worn soles worn soul, only self preservation remains as though I, with love, intended any harm, Pandora I need to borrow that box once more for this ‘man’.

You once dismissed your friend whose recent bereavement and loss remained more a burden to you than an opportunity to do good or better. I held your hand and asked that by letting her know; you love her. for that will mean more to her than any peace offering of monetary value Ever. Blinded by the brilliance of your unawareness, uncertainty took hold.

What does he lack now, what doubts, what harms haunt him from the past undealt?

Still dreaming of the vast ideas blossomed only in his drunken stupor; of design, of bands, of hopes and dreams unfulfilled, found even in your imagination.

Encounter with this past, inevitable. Then I’ll approach you like a friend or just acquainted, without the allotments and privileges governed and given of loves hand meddling.

Always. I never break a promise! Always, like Edward Lewis in his stretched limousine awaiting Vivian Ward open armed.

They know the way, these walkers of Heart Street, more aware then they lead on, it’s us that they cross paths with and take with them…I can wait…always.

Halleluiah, forgive no more, not needed, marred was the heart, thoughts by and by in infra, attached to the idea, life changed, and body done with simply plight.

Here, was, roses dried, no happily ever after, shut-in, alms for life, donated for soul purpose, God, accept my offering.

Him, this unknown who, two faced, outside my reach, exiled from my kingdom, alpha, infinite omega.

Unwed to all but the self, speechless tho I write these prophetic words, boundless, limitless, I still entertain the ideas of more.

The reader, holy, spark of life, singular in multiplicity, both yin and yang, infinite

Use this, my articulation, from heart to open mind and hands willing, time, take this and weep when needed, and laugh when you feel, eat these, my scribbled tears made whole.

Stay thy heart true!